Enjoy Where You Are

These blogs of mine are like public diary entries... They represent where I am and what I am experiencing and learning. I don't plan to speak at you, but instead be with you as I continue to grow.

I have to be honest with you guys; I've been stressed - and in many ways very discontent with my current living situation...

You know I love what I do, from being with the kids, to speaking, teaching and performing, etc.... But I'm broke!

I get paid close to nothing in this school, handling all of the remedial tasks of this building, and the majority of the shows I do... I do them for free. I catch heat from my girlfriend as we try to prepare and move toward marriage - and not to mention my mom who thinks I should focus more of my energy to go and get another job... I mean real talk as I write this now, I have maybe $1 in my checking account. You guys see me dressed well and styling in pictures, but about 80% of my clothes are hand-me downs, and maybe another 10-15% of my closet are gifts from people.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining as much as I am letting you know my living situation.... I know I'm blessed. I eat well, and have a roof over my head, plus I have a beautiful community around me who loves me. I also know God has forgiven my past, and continues to forgive me for my faults day in and out. I speak and radiate joy to others, but for some reason inside have been feeling incomplete. I walk away from retreats that I have spoken at and performed at, knowing I'm just scratching the surface of the real issues... There is so much more to be done. I get texts and calls from so many who need me and I feel overwhelmed and exhausted.

Yet I know this is my cross.

I remember reading the life of St. Padre Pio in a book called "Man of Hope" and how inspired I was by his prayer to the Father to ask for more suffering. I remember reading that and praying for it myself.

And I also remember a good Friday reflection about 2 years ago from my pastor Father Martin when he said "The Saint looks at Jesus on the Cross and tells his brother 'I don't want you to suffer alone'". Again I prayed that prayer so many times.

I have been contemplating a lot about the friends I grew up with, as well as family members I have never really interacted with, and how I watch seeing how far away they are from the church, God, and just live caught up in the world un-peaceful.

Father continue to teach me to enjoy the process. Teach me to appreciate where I am more and more. Teach me to see the other person always as a gift, no matter how much opposition or difficulties they give me. Teach me to love the cross you have given me - to embrace it/hold it and love the pains you have given me. Allow me to dream not of where I could be, but of where others could be with my offering.... May we all enjoy the process. Thank you Father... In Christ's name, through the Holy Spirit. Amen.

- The Symbol

- All is Love