The above image is a screenshot from my Facebook earlier today.
The past few days has left me very reflective, in which I am facing a very difficult decision of forgiveness. It is true that God has forgiven me(and continues to do so) and so I know that this choice is the greater virtue to be lived. However I am learning some things about myself.
Being someone who is usually in a leadership position, I very much ignore my feelings and try to negate them in order to be "strong" and complete a task at hand. I'm used to working with limited resources. I am used to being abandoned even by those ones who I have cared about most. I am used to other people being unreliable and having to make it work on my own. I am usually someone who is relied upon to make important decisions and take action in moments of trial... And because of all of this, sometimes I forget my own humanity.
In creating a team; a family; a community, etc. there is a necessity for everyone to fulfill their role and complete their mission understanding of course life's circumstances that take place that may deter us at one moment or another. Still this does not mean that we can make an excuse for those roles to not be fulfilled or those missions accomplished... There has to be a level of accountability.
Me however, I have very much been overly forgiving and have held my tongue picking up the slack for the people around me. Usually I have the "I'm Brandon. I can deal with anything mentality."... I have very much a "Wolverine" complex in that way and always have. It is the reason why when I was 19 years old I did the music project Weapon X when I finally started to deal with the emotions I felt about my Father and my parents divorce. For years I simply just negated that I felt anything, and it came out in all kinds of other wrong ways. But once I confronted and dealt with the emotions, I was able to start the process of healing which really brought me into the deeper conversions of my faith.
In this recent issue where I am faced with forgiveness here is something I am learning more....
1) I am not God
2) I am human
3) I have human needs
4) Although love does require forgiveness and sacrifice there is some point the other person has to keep up their end of the bargain, and some lines cannot be crossed.
I do believe people can change. And I have faith that someone committed will change. But forgiveness requires a change.... When we go into the confessional and we receive absolution it is only true if we truly are leaving changed. And I am realizing for myself, that with God's grace I can forgive (even when the worst of lines is crossed) but at the level where it is at... There needs to be proven change that is consistent over time.
Listen to the song below by my brother RabelzTheMC
- The Symbol
- All is Love
These are my thoughts . . . My Beliefs . . . My Actions . . . Everything I do. This is the documentation of my quest towards creating more unity in the community by authentic #LOVE.
This blog was started at:
and continued at:
But now, as I have matured in my understanding as "The Symbol" and no longer Brandon Feel-X Morel you can continue my journey with me here.
(click above images to get download link)