On October 14th, 2008 my son... My favorite person in the world was born. I was 18 years old and just a few months out of high school. I was a semester in to college at Devry in Queens, NY(I started right away in July after graduation) and I actually missed class to be at the hospital that day. After that, I never returned to finish that degree in business administration(only a certificate in entrepreneurship from Lehman College in the Bronx).
Today 7 years later my son is in 2nd grade and growing. I have grown from someone who knew nothing about chastity, to one who speaks and performs across the country about a faith that is about seeking the most perfect always rooted in the Blessed Trinity. I speak on Life, relationships, and purity by God's grace. There are times I have fallen short of perfection, but by the gift of the Sacraments, the scriptures, and the beautiful community around me I continue to learn, grow, and become stronger each and every day.
In recent months I have encountered many young and old who after performances and shows, have approached me seeking consolation from traumatic experiences of abortion, rape, and the like. It has really been a gratefully overwhelming feeling as I have been able to in some small ways pray with, and share some light with those who approach me. Even more shocking though has been the reaction by some people within the church who are in administrative positions who have bad mouthed me because of my story and my past preventing many opportunities to minister.... Unfortunately this is the sad story that keeps so many from encountering Christ's love in a real and genuine way in this current society and culture. Still I persevere and continue to live an open, honest, and transparent life not being fearful of saying anything about my trials and the graces which are given to me to overcome. I seek Sainthood.... Not popularity or acceptance.
Those who have followed long enough know not only of our adventures to the park, with family, to church, and around New York City but also know bits and pieces of the battles I have had with his mother. From false accusations, to walking out of morning mass to find myself picked up by the cops and put in handcuffs going through central bookings on 161st street it has not been the easiest of times. Many times I have refrained from speaking about any of this publicly because I want to protect her holiness and the perception many may have of her even to the point of my apologies on the record "Perdona Me" off of the Golden EP. Currently if you have listened to "Buster Douglas" you may get an idea that we are at another rough point.
After I performed with my brothers in the AMDG movment in June I came back for Father's Day on Sunday and that week started the denial of visits, followed by being served with papers stating that Christian's mom was trying to take away the days given to me legally that I had to spend with him during the weeks. Since then there has been 3 court appearances, lawyers, cops, threats made to me and today on this 7th birthday it has been 3 weeks since I last saw and spent time with my son due to the denial on her part of giving him to me on the dates of court ordered visitation.
I know for many this sounds crazy... But I write this post because despite all of the craziness I have not lost hope. I still live saying that Fatherhood is the greatest joy any man could ever be blessed with. And I still believe that no matter how hard things are, Life is always the better option.
I think many speak about being pro-life unrealistically and without addressing and helping those who are really in the situation.... Especially Fathers. I do believe the mother's need support, and I am grateful for people such as the Sister's of Life who helped us in the initial times throughout the pregnancy, etc. But I intend when this case is through to start something specifically for the many Fathers who do not receive the emotional and spiritual, as well as tangible support they need.
I have been mocked by many Atheists, because of my pro-life stance. I have been persecuted by people within the church because they think my story is a scandal. And I have seen the court system at its worst, even A.C.S. who implied I would not want to be a father at my age.... You are all wrong. And by God's grace I will endure these current pains as an offering for the holiness of Christian my son, and for the transformation of the culture of death we live in today.
Happy Birthday Christian. Daddy loves you. No matter what they say or do.... We will see this through all the way until heaven.
- The Symbol
- All is Love
The Symbol's MUSIC :
These are my thoughts . . . My Beliefs . . . My Actions . . . Everything I do. This is the documentation of my quest towards creating more unity in the community by authentic #LOVE.
This blog was started at:
and continued at:
But now, as I have matured in my understanding as "The Symbol" and no longer Brandon Feel-X Morel you can continue my journey with me here.
(click above images to get download link)